What God said about Marriage by Pastor Roland Heavens


Day 3 Teaching by Pastor Roland Heavens

What God said about Marriage

Marriage is quite an interesting and significant topic in life and a proper understanding of what it really is key. Someone once told me that “there are two important things that determines a man’s fate in life…

Number one The decision to serve God or not.

Number 2. The man or woman you marry

According to him, these two things determines every other thing about one’s life. So it is important we pay attention to this topic.

First, it is important we define what Marriage is, it’s origin, and how to get into it and how to enjoy it, Marriage, scripturally is the successful combination of a man and a woman in a holy wedlock. Marriage has its origin in God. Marriage is not man’s concept or idea.

Genesis chapter 2:18-21 gives us the understanding that God himself instituted Marriage.

What God Said About Marriage by Pastor Roland Heavens

18Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
19Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name.
20The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.

21So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.
22And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.
23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

From that scripture, we saw the following… God TOOK (a verb, an action word, meaning God was practically involved). God Brought, God Made. All three words signifying that God was involved in the institution of Marriage. So Marriage is God’s plan for man and He is the author of it.That’s why you can’t run a Marriage with psychology, tradition or custom. It will fail.

Again, what is Marriage? Marriage is not just an institution but a Mystery – a great mystery. That’s why you need the light of God’s word to guide you in your Marriage. Have you ever heard people say: Marriage is a necessary evil? Yes, I have heard that countless times. But that’s a lie from the devil. God is too good to give us a necessary evil as Marriage. Cos every good and perfect gift comes from God and God said He that’s finds a wife finds a good thing.

Point Blank Conference 2019 Day 3


Remember, God said it is not good for a man to be alone…Gen. 2:18. Also in Ecc. 3 we understand that for everything God made, he made it for a purpose… Including Marriage.

  1. HELP METE: In God’s concept of Marriage, the husband and wife are to be help mete to each other in an area of life, spiritual, social, body and soul. Gen. 2:18-21.
  2. For Spiritual reinforcement: Joshua 23:10; Deut. 32:30. Prov. 27:17 and Ecc. 4:9-10. Reinforcement here means to give added strength, to fortify and to support something… So contrary to popular opinion, Marriage doesn’t make you less spiritual, rather it is meant to reinforce your spiritual life for a triumphant living. If you are becoming spiritually lazy as a married man or woman, it is not your Marriage that caused it sir. Check yourself. Because it is written that one shall chase a thousand but two shall chase ten thousand… That’s reinforcement.
  3. COMPANIONSHIP/FELLOWSHIP: The sociological and physiological composition of man requires constant Fellowship…God made him so. That’s why sociologist would refer to man as a sociological animal who always seeks company. It is written, that two are better than one. Husband and wife are meant to be friends and companions at all times. Mal. 2:14. You would notice that as long as Adam and Eve were together, the serpent never spoke to Eve, but waited till Eve was alone, that’s why every couple who are fond of staying away from each other may likely start hearing things that may eventually destroy the Marriage. Your husband, your wife should be your first and best friend. NOT YOUR BESTY at your work place of in the salon.
  4. Another purpose for Marriage as ordained by God is for UNITY: this talks about been ONE in spirit, soul and body. Mark 10:17. Gen. 2:24, Matt. 19:5. When a couple is United in spirit, soul and body and truly becomes one they become a threat to the devil and they are empowered to do great things. Gen. 11:6 says, this people is ONE, and nothing shall be restrained from them. That’s the power of unity. The devil knows this that’s why he always wants you to disagree with your spouse and make you feel like you are right in your judgements. Because he fears the strength of unity.

Point Blank Conference 2019 Day 3

Sir, I was told by one of my revered mentor that when you escape the devil at salvation, he will go and wait for you in marriage.

  • PROCREATION.  Marriage is ordained by God for the purpose of child bearing and child rearing. Gen. 1:28. 1 Timothy 5:14. That’s why people are ashamed when they give birth as unmarried fellows (out of wedlock). And According to Paul, marriage is also ordained by God to help us avoid Fornication. 1cor. 17:2; 6:9. Whether you admit it or not, everyone here at some points feels the need to have sex. So rather than fornicating up and down, you should marry and have sex as many times as you want and by any styles you choose.

To be married, you must do the following

  1. LEAVE: Gen. 2:24 for this cause (of Marriage) shall a MAN (not a pikin or boy) LEAVE his father and mother. LEAVING one’s parents doesn’t mean forsaking them. It does mean to gain parental independence, to have the capacity to take quality decisions on your Marriage without parental interference…so if you still mummy’s boy or Daddy’s girl, forget Marriage.
  2. CLEAVE: THIS mean to join. Husband and wife must cleave, be joined, body and soul and spirit. Leaving without cleaving equals loneliness in marriage. That’s why a lot of folks still prefer spending every weekend at their family house than spend at their matrimonial home. This fellow has actually left their parents to Marriage but hasn’t cleaved to their spouse. Marriage is indeed a Mystery that makes two people become ONE! Eph. 5:31 That’s why you must treat your spouse the way you treat yourself. If you see a man on the street walking and slapping himself, the first thing that comes to mind is that the man is mad! So if you beat your wife as a husband, you are MAD, because it’s the same as beating yourself!


  1. Desire to marry/be married: Prob. 10:24 “…but the desire of the righteous will be granted.”
  2. Make yourself fit (for Marriage), to be found. You must make conscious efforts to be the wife (material)/husband material. We have many women but very few wife materials. A lot of Brothers are not husband materials at all. They can speak good English, but no sense to manage a home. The only thing some sisters has to offer if you Marry them is their big boobs, smooth legs and nothing else…my dear, work on your character, be resourceful, get busy serving God, get a degree, no 21st century brother wants a full time house wife. It is not a calling, reject it. Brothers, you also, be the MAN, that can take absolute charge of a home and make your wife glad she met you. Don’t be the man that would be the first to cry and run up and down in the event of crisis…build your faith, career, temper and relationship with God.
  3. Ask God in prayers for a partner. Matt. 7:7, Psalms 37:5. Why should you ask God for who to marry? Because, He knows all men and knows all women and sure knows the best for you. Jer. 33:3. When you ask God in prayers he will lead you and guide you in yourself search for a wife cos my brother, a sister in church is a different sister at home. If you follow the fact that she belongs to a service unit and when she sings cripples walk and Lazarus’ rises from the dead and marry her, you would be shock to discover that that same sister has serious anger problem that can kill u one day, so ask God in prayers.
  4. Make the move. Men and brethren. There is a secular song that says “if u love somebody, walk up to her and tell her…” Be man enough to approach and declare your intentions to ANY lady on Earth that you have feelings for…it doesn’t hurt. Stop asking her if rain fell at their street and how her parents are doing, as a routine. Go straight to the point, corner her after service, at work place anywhere you meet her and tell her something (in her left ear). Stop all those I saw you in my dreams and vision wearing a white gown and walking by my side towards the altar. Be bold enough to speak, she won’t bite you.

And lastly on this, after she agrees start a courtship and get to know her.

Point Blank Conference 2019 Day 3


You can walk out of courtship any day, anytime IF he or she doesn’t really fit in. It is in the constitution

Well, for us believers, if you must marry, the Bible admonishes us to marry from the same kingdom – the household of faith. As a born again believer you shouldn’t marry an unbeliever.

You can’t marry an unbeliever with the hope of getting them saved in marriage, it doesn’t work that way. You will end up becoming an unbeliever eventually.

Lastly, let the word of God be the guide in your Marriage. Men and brethren, the subject of Marriage is quite lengthy and almost inexhaustible. We can’t finish it today.

1.Is it proper and biblical for a woman to ask a man out
2. Please can you talk on age issue, in sense that wife getting older than the husband

Answer: Let me start with #2 question. The Bible isn’t clear on the age difference between a man and a wife. However, a careful study makes it clear that the men were in most cases older than their wives. For instance, ABRAHAM was about some years older than Sarah when Isaac was born and many other examples like that.

Ideally, the man should be older than the wife. However, if a man is comfortable in marrying a woman that is older than him, God doesn’t forbid that at all and neither does the society…

Personally, I can marry a woman that is 2 years older than I am but any age difference more than that, I won’t. Because, tendencies are that if you marry an older woman, when she starts aging you will be tempted to look out for “Young blood” as they say. So it depends on whether the man involved is okay with it or not and not so much as whether it is in the Bible.

Back to question 1, The Bible makes it clear that it is the man that does the finding of a wife…” He that finds a wife.” And not the other way round. But, a woman can go after a man she likes, admires by placing herself strategically to be seen by him. Not out of desperation.

Walking up to a man to declare your intentions may not be a bad idea but the society frowns at it and most likely the men folks sees such a lady as a desperate, silly, cheap slut and hence they take undue advantage of her guts. As a Christian lady, you can pray a man to yourself… using Provers 21:1

If I may add, 1st Timothy 3: 13
KJV: For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
ESV: For Adam was formed first, then Eve;
NIV: For Adam was formed first, then Eve.
AMP: For Adam was first formed, then Eve;

Question: Talking about marriage it involves the will of 2 people, if someone prayed and received a sister as his partner, if she refuses, does that mean there is no other God’s will for the person again?

Answer: Oops! If she refuses, keep trying, praying and don’t stop talking to her and be patient. Patience is a virtue and a WIFE is worth waiting for. But if in the long run she is still adamant, please sir go ahead and stop the next bus.

Question: A couple suddenly receives a call into ministry after their marriage and the husband was instructed that he should go into full time ministry! And the wife isn’t in support, hence she started acting somehow.

Answer: Uhm! I am quite familiar with issues like this. To avoid this kind of scenarios, it is of utmost importance to FIRST AND FOREMOST declare your VISION, AMBITION, MISSION to whomsoever you intend to marry…

That’s why every man must first have a CLEAR VISION of their lives that should serve as a template for choosing a wife cos it is only when you know where you are going to that you know who to carry along with you on the journey. So when you say your vision is to be a pastor and she says she can’t marry a pastor (with genuine reasons) my brother, leave her alone. Else, you may succeed in talking her into the Marriage but you will be dragging her to be a Pastor’s wife for the rest of your life…

However, there some rare cases where in the cause of a man’s life, predestination calls and he must answer. That is, when the man had earlier wanted to be a doctor and is already a doctor (like Paul Enenche) and then God says Boy there is change in plans, come and serve me as a pastor.

So in such cases, the man must be sure he is really sure of it and then prayerfully communicate it to the wife. I am sure with time, and proper communication she will agree. But if she is still adamant, well, you can’t divorce her because of that, just face your full time and allow her to face her career but still enjoying each other as husband and wife, after all it was you God called.

Question: Sir! What do you see to the issue whereby women will be telling men? ” I am still thinking about it” and there is already a confirmation within then… Some goes extra miles of months and years before saying yes

Answer: Just not to be referred to as cheap or simple. Such ladies have many options and choices and in most cases, are not yet ready for Marriage. They just don’t want to tell you straight. Some, just want to be really sure you are serious and they are not making a mistake. Also you should understand that by nature, females are very analytical, it takes them a hard time to make choices.

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